Why humanity won the war
by Ranger24
Summary: Based off of Lord Mandolores why the Covenant lost the war. This is an indepth study of why the UNSC won the Human Covenant war.
1. Marines: Pvt Donothing to Pvt Kickass

Ranger24: I would like to introduce my personal parrallel to lord Mandolore's "Why the Covenant lost the war". So with out further adue I present! "Why Humanity won the war!"

This story is narrated by my Ocs Rolo'mono, the elite, and Seamus, the irish, spartan armor wearing robot. Enjoy.

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Chapter 1: Marines: Pvt Do-nothing to Pvt Kicks-Some-Ass.

Disclaimer: I do not own halo or Lord mandolores awesome story of how the covies lost the war.

Rolo'mono: Marines. There your basic allies throughout most of all three games. Their the guys who get on the gun turret of the warthog while you do the driving. They do their best to keep the covies busy while the Cheif gets a soda. Marines have been in use by the UNSC for a very long time. They are the primary infantry deployed by human forces against the Covenant.

Seamus: Yeah thats for sure laddie. If your wondering where the fuck the army is like I am well heres the answer. The army is gone. Earth is a friging super nation in halo good by US army it surivies only in the militas of the colonies.

Rolo'mono: Marines use all human weapons and vehicles but if pressed will use covenant technology.

Seamus: Hmmm... Does that mean I can give a marine an energy sword? I wonder what would happen?

Switch scene to a marine picking up an energy sword.

Marine 1: Holly shit! I've got a lightsaber!

Suddenly out of a strange mist comes a deep threatening Hoo-hah like laboured breathing. THe marine turns around to see Darth Vader holding his ignited lightsaber. The two fight and the marine is slowly forced back before he is forced onto a cat walk and then to a little pillar thing were he fights Vader with hand before Vader chops his arm off!

Marine 1: ARGH!!!

Vader: There is no escape boy. Give into the power of the darkside!

Marine 1: Dude this is halo not star wars!

Vader: What?

Marine 1: Halo you know three time game of the year, five best selling novels, massive fan base.

Vader: Oh sorry.

Marine 1: So can I have my hand back?

Vader: Sorry I have to go chop Luke's hand off.

Marine 1: Thats harsh man.

Vader: Later.

Marine 1: Wait come back! I want your autograph!

Seamus: Okay... that was a little to weird. Back on topic.

Rolo'mono: Marines are skilled vehicle users but are not as competetant as Master Chief.

Seamus: Hey wait a minute! If they can use any vehicle even a god damn pelican! Why on earth couldn't they drive the warthog in Halo combat evolved? The answer? None of those marines passed their drivers test. Thats right they all had learners permits. Or the guys at bungie thought the warthog in the first game kicked so much ass that only a spartan could drive it. Well thats smart. On the subject of vehicles theres a reason why human vehicles can hold up to damage better than Covenant vehicles. They are built by Ford. Except the pelican's, longswords, and hornets, those are made by Lockhead (Longsword), Boeing (Pelican), and Grumman (Hornet). Thats why the warthog looks like your uncles truck.

Rolo'mono: Again back to topic. Marines are the best normal human soldiers avaible.

Seamus: Hmmm... maybe thats because their the only normal human soldiers you ever meet in the frigin game!

Rolo'mono: Dude shut up. Marine combat skills allow them to easily handle grunts, Drones, and Jackals. However against stronger enemies they require numerical supirority, armor suport, or a spartan to cope.

Seamus: Oh please anyone can kill a grunt. There as expendable as the red shirts from star trek! Jackals are to pissed off to shoot straights and Drones take to many pills to control their flaming Flatulance to even hope on killing more than one marine! Thats why they are sent in in massive suicide waves to be slaughter in the hope that they might either A. kill all of the humans B. Kill a few of the humans or C. make the humans waste all of their ammuntion trying to kill them. Smart thinking there on the half of the prophets.

Rolo'mono: Marines also have a speacil branch known as the ODST's or the orbital shock drop troopers.

Seamus: Okay heres the ODST in a nutshell. Their half crazy people who starp on black armor and jump into little drop pods to be launched out the bottom of human warships to soften the enemy defenese's the only plus to being and ODST or Helljumper? You get free funeral service!

Rolo'mono: ODSTs have a grudge against the spartans because the spartans are their direct competition for being top dog in the UNSC.

Seamus: Really no shit? I thought they just loved hanging out with Master Chief. I mean its not like they insult him and call him a freak.

Rolo'mono: Marines have limited close combat skills.

Seamus: Really no shit? The only time I have ever seen a marine fight CQC is when the kick enimes in Halo 3. I mean it took the three games to learn melee attack! Nice work there Bungie no lazy people working there!

Rolo'mono: However as humans they are vulnerable to flood.

Seamus: Oh my god. I thought they were robots so your telling me their actual people? I didn't know.

Rolo'mono: Marines lack the proper sheilding to protect them in a prolonged engagment with the flood and require help as soon as possible.

Seamus: Really they don't have sheilds? I didn't friging now. Maybe thats why they die so fucking easily!

Rolo'mono: Look man you wanna go or something because I am getting really tired of all your backsas.

Seamus: Oh bring it on mister stating the obvious!

Ranger: Okay please stop arguing. I don't want a fight to start in chapter one.

Both ignore him.

Rolo'mono: Look I am just trying to give some basic information.

Seamus: No your not you just like to here yourself talk split lip!

Rolo'mono: Oh its on now asshole!

Rolo'mono jumps out of his little black room drawing his energy sword. He is wearing crimson armor.

Seamus: Oh its on!

Seamus comes running out of his box drawing two plamsa rifles and opens fire on Rolo'mono! He is wearing green spartan armor. Ranger comes out holding his normal long sword, ducking the stray plasma fire as the two OCs duke it out.

Ranger: Come on guys break it up!

Rolo'mono: No good bucket of bolts!

Seamus: Dickless split lip!

Ranger sighs.

Ranger: Okay a quick summary. The marines just take the shots for the Chief, steal your kills, and main the weapons on the vehicles. But all in all their only human. Well artifiacl humans. With guns. Well I'll straighten this out, hopefully. Next time! Navy dudes: Abandone ship! Read and review.


	2. Navy Dudes: Abandon ship!

Chapter 2: Navy dudes: Abandon ship!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Ranger: Okay Seamus and Rolo'mono have calmed down enough to at least do the narration. I hope.

Rolo'mono: At the start of the human covenant war the UNSC fleet numbered several hundred ships. However due to the vastness of human territories the Navy was spread thinly and could only devote a few ships to a certain area.

Seamus: Geese hundreds of ships but they rarely put more than twenty ships into a battle. That sure is smart.

Rolo'mono: Due to the inferiority of UNSC warships to covenant warships UNSC ships would often have to out number the covenant fleet 3 to 1.

Seamus: Again stupidity on the part of the navy. They spend so much time spreading out that they can't build a sufficient fighting force to defeat a half dozen Covenant ships.

Rolo'mono: In the four largest naval battles of the war the battle of harvest, the battle of Sigma octanus, the battle of reach, and the battle of earth human forces numbered less then fifty in almost all of those battles except Earth and Reach.

Seamus: Less than fifty? So it takes at least thirty ships just to kill a dozen covenant ships. My god how the fuck did humans win this war?

Rolo'mono: Humanity's only real advantage was unexpected tactics, bold commanders, and gutsy moves.

Seamus: Hmm… I guess that must mean elites are morons.

Rolo'mono: Up yours.

Rangers: Guys.

Rolo'mono: Commander such as Captain Keyes managed to win a few key victories for humans such as at the battle of sigma octanus.

Seamus: One of the reasons why he one was this.

Flashback to the battle of sigma octanus 4 opening moves.

Four covenant ships come out of slipspace. Two frigates, one destroyer, and one carrier. On the carrier Silent but deadly… The elite commander is drunk.

Elite commander: Okay you morons here's the HICK plan. The two dumbasses in the frigates kill that human ship while we go conquer the planet. HICK

Aid: Umm… Sir I think we should stick together.

Elite commander: You questioning my authorita? HICK

Aid: Sir it's pronounced Authority.

Elite commander: You know what? HICK I think you should go play with our very hungry jackals.

Aid: What?

Elite commander press a button on his hover chair and the aid falls through a hole in the floor into a bit of Jackals!

Aid: SON OF A BITCH!!

Elite commander: Anyone HICK else want to try and make stupid suggestions HICK or insult my grammar.

All the elites on the bridge get back to work quivering in fear.

End flashback.

Seamus: The commander lost the battle due to the fact that the grunts manning the plasma torpedoes on those two frigates turned off the friendly fire feature. As in they made it so friendlys could be targeted. The elite claimed the screw up was due to the executed Aid he was then promoted to imperial admiral, quit drinking, lead the attack on reach, followed the pillar of autumn to halo, lost his new flagship to Master Chief in a dual, was forced into an escape pod, rescued by a pedophilic elite shipmaster, was court marshaled for not only losing halo but the only copy of the burning crusade in the covenant, was tortured by Tarturus, became the Arbiter, quelled a heresy, was betrayed by Tarturus, made an alliance with sergeant Johnson, killed Tarturus, saved the galaxy, went to earth, helped the Master Chief, went to the Ark, killed the prophet of Truth, helped Master Chief destroy the flood, returned to earth, participated in the memorial of all those who fell during the war, returned to Sanghellios, discovered he was the bastard, time warped, off spring of a blue army private and an a mutated elite, found his father, and spent the rest of his life living with said father on sanghellios.

Long pause…

Rolo'mono:: Okay… That was way more information than was necessary.

Seamus: It'll come in handy when we do the Arbiter.

Rolo'mono: True. Now back to the main subject. Human warships are equipped with three weapons primarily. A MAC gun, nuclear weapons, and missiles.

Seamus: You know you'd think a nuke would be strong enough to blow a covenant ship up by its self but Covenant ships have shields that just barely hold against lighter nuclear weapons used by most human warships. And only a few ships get them. You'd think we'd have plenty of nukes by the year 2500 but no those mother fucking hippies say nuclear weapons are evil and should be dismantled. Thanks for over 12 billion deaths hippies. Thanks for nothing. Fringing crack addicts.

Rolo'mono: Because of these low tech weapons covenant ships can easily out gun human vessels however they have not developed anything that can detect kinetic weapons such as missiles and MAC guns so for safety reasons the covenant have kill on site orders for any human ships and space stations.

Seamus: Real pain in the ass during the battle of earth when the satellite cable went out.

Flashback

A few people are gathered around their big holo TV watching the Minnesota Vikings be one field goal away from winning the super bowl.

Civilian 1: Come on VIKINGS!!

Meanwhile in orbit.

Brute officer: Sir theirs a space station right over there!

Brute captain: Well don't just stand there and play whack-a-mole blow it up!

Brute officer: Right! Fire grunt tube one!

Grunt: I didn't sign up for this!

The grunt is launched at the satellite.

Meanwhile…

Announcer: And the kick is!

Fans: YES!!!

Back in space the grunt crashes into the satellite, its methane tank explodes and destroys the satellite.

Back in the living room the TV goes to static.

Fans: NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Civilian 2: Come on boys lets vent out our anger by killing covenant!

The fans grab assault rifles!

Fans: YEAH!!

End flashback.

Seamus: Truth is the Vikings made the kick and won the super bowl for the first time ever.

Rolo'mono: Dude stop interrupting me to make stupid commentary!

Seamus: Make me!

Ranger: Guys don't make me have to use my ass whupin' skills.

Rolo'mono: Fine. Despite the fact that the Spartans are ground pounders they like naval medics are sent ground side to help in battles.

Seamus: Wait, the Master Chief is part of the navy?

Rolo'mono: Yes the rank of Master Chief is naval not marine.

Seamus: My god. This changes everything!

Rolo'mono: Yeah just wait till you find out he started killing at age fourteen!

Seamus: Oh my god! He could kill as a teenager!

Rolo'mono: And also that he has…

Ranger slapped his hand over Rolo'mono's mandibles.

Ranger: Dude, save that secret for when we do Master Chief. It might save him from crazy Yaoi fan girls but it might kill his image to those who don't pay attention to the halo novels or even read them.

Seamus: What is it?

Ranger: Nap time Seamus.

Ranger pulled out Seamus's remote and hit the power button turning Seamus off.

Ranger: I'd say that's a good place to stop. Next time we touch on Covenant Defectors: Elite's and grunts to the rescue! Read an review!


	3. Covenant Defectors: Covies to the rescue

Ranger24: And here's a new chapter!

A/N: I have nothing against the Catholics.

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Chapter 3: Covenant defectors: Covies to the rescue!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Rolo'mono: Not all of the covenant a rigid in their loyalty to the prophets. There have been several large uprisings against the covenant as well as minor acts that undermined the authority of the prophets and the council.

Seamus: A smart grunt? He must have gone to Harvard just to learn the ABC's.

Rolo'mono: These individuals felt that the covenant was corrupted and self absorbed.

Seamus: Sounds like the Catholic Church.

Rolo'mono: The first of the three large rebellions was the grunt rebellion.

Seamus: Which was caused by elite stealing grunt salvage and jackals making grunts sterile.

Rolo'mono: Surprisingly the grunts were fierce in the defense of their planet and after the war the elite's elevated them to the position of regular infantry instead of cannon cleaners. The war is notable because it required an Arbiter to end the violence.

Seamus: This also help Truth, Mercy, and Regret rise to power from Truth having redistributed covenant technology to prevent another grunt rebellion. Then he got hooked on world of warcraft.

Rolo'mono: The second great rebellion also required an Arbiter. This rebellion was known as the great heresy. If you have played halo 2 you know what happens.

Seamus: Here it is in a nutshell. Elite finds guilty spark, He finds out the truth of halo gets all pissed off rallies his commerades destroys five copies of the burning crusade, joins the alliance in world of war craft, Prophets get pissed and send in the arbiter and Rtas Vandum to quell the rebellion. Flood show up Arbiter kills the heretic leader with his mad sword skills and everyone lived happily ever after.

Rolo'mono: The third and final rebellion was the great schism or the exhaling of the elites.

Seamus: Yeah and it ended with the covenant going bye bye.

Rolo'mono: Smaller rebellions included Yayap the grunt threatening an elite with a plasma pistol, Dadad the deacon shooting Tarturus in the foot to avenge his friend the engineer lighter than some, and the engineers on the Ascendant Justice helping master chief steal the ship here's what was going through the heads of the elite commanders near by.

Elite commander 2: Hey?

Elite commander 3: Yeah?

Elite commander 2: Is the ship supposed to do that?

Points to ascendant justice which is going into slipspace.

Elite commander 3: Their stealing the ship!

Elite commander 3: Bloody pirates!

Meanwhile…

Johnson: Hell yeah! We're getting away!

Corpral Locklear: Who wants a beer?

Engineer: Me!

Everyone stares at the engineer.

Johnson: Why didn't you tell us you guys could talk? And don't say…

Engineer: Because nobody asked.

Johnson: God damnit.

Seamus: Eh good times good times.

Rolo'mono: Grunts do the most rebelling since they hate their jobs.

Seamus: No shit, I thought they loved being the fucking cannon fodder!

Rolo'mono: Dude, are you a grunt advocate?

Seamus: No.

Seamus hides his "Teach the grunts" t shit behind his back.

Rolo'mono: What ever. With the separation of the elites from the covenant much changed. For one thing when we found out that the forerunners committed mass suicide we stopped praying at meals, during battle, during sex…

Seamus: During Spongebob, during church, during funerals.

Rolo'mono: Shut up.

Seamus: SO what do you guys worship now?

Rolo'mono: We practice the religion of Keanu.

Seamus: What?

Rolo'mon: We worship Keanu Reeves! He kicks so many asses in his movies! Like Constantine and the Matrix!

Seamus: … Okay what the heck.

Rolo'mono: It's awesome we watch the Matrix during church now and we try to attain the status of open mindedness.

Seamus: Okay good for you.

Ranger: That covers everything. Next time it's Sergeant Johnson: Mean and in green. Read and review! Again I have nothing against Catholics. Just the church's previous methods of achieving its ends.

Rolo'mono: All hail Keanu Reeves!

Seamus: Dude shut up.

Rolo'mono: NEVER!!


	4. Sergeant Johnson: Mean and in green

Ranger24: Valentines days coming. Better get the bunker ready. Anyways here is Sergeant Jonhson.

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Sergeant Johnson: Mean and in Green.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Rolo'mono: Sergeant Johnson. He's a character we all know and love because he's always there with something to help the Cheif.

Seamus: Yeah but he rarely gets his hands dirty in real combat in game three.

Rolo'mono: Johnson was one of the first human soldiers to encounter the covenant. In fact you could say he was the first to kill a covie.

Seamus: And for once it wasn't a grunt...

Rolo'mono: Wait your doing a flashback.

Seamus: Yes.

Rolo'mono sighs.

Rolo'mono: Fine let me turn on the translator. Stupid jackals.

_Flashback._

In some umbilical between a jackal piratre ship and a human freighter. A couple of jackals wearing space suits can be seen one with a ridiculously large pirate hat.

Jackal one: Okay here's the plan we kill everyone grab whatever is on board and get the hell out of here.

Jackal two: I'm Captain Jackal Sparrow!

Jackal one: No I'm the captain!

Jackal two: Do you have the hat? No so I'm the captain. I say charge!

Jackal two and two more jackals run through the other end into the freighter Jackal one follows for kicks.

Suddenly gun fire breaks out and Jackal two falls dead. Jackal one grabs the hat.

Jackal one: Ha! Now I'm captain again!

_End flashback._

Seamus: What followed was grunt treason and the destruction of the Jackal ship.

Rolo'mono: Johnson was involved in dozens of campaigns before and during the war. His heroic actions resulted and the saving of the lives of thousands on harvest and paris IV were he used a crate full of plamsa grenades to save a whole bunch civilans from covenant soldiers.

Seamus: Lets roll the clip!

**Clip!**

Johnson and a bunch of marines can be seen on one end of the street thrity grunts and jackals on the other. Johnson has a huge crate of plamsa grenades. The referee from Dodgeballl jumps out of a bombed out building.

Referee: UNSC ready!

Johnson/marines: Ready!

Referee: Covenant ready!

A jackal eats a grunts head while another kills its self by gnawing on a grunts methane tank.

Referee: Dodgeball!

Johnson draws ignites and tosses plasma grenade after plasma grenade sticking dozens of covies! The marines however are getting slaughter. Suddenly Patches calls time out as the last marine falls!

Patches: Johnson you have to get angry! Its the only way!

Johnson: How?

Patches: Do what Caboose does!

Johnson: Right!

Referee: TIme in!

Johnson focuses on bad things like grunts killing babies, Jackals tea baging marines and other such! Then he roars grabs the whole crate of grenades, arms them all, and hurls them at the covies!

Grunt two: Oh pop.

Grunt three: I never got to finish season five of red vs blue.

The grenades land and stick all the covies then kill them!

Referee: Winner! Marines!

**End clip.**

Seamus: He not only one a medal but got a huge dose of radation as a bonus making him imune to the flood.

Rolo'mono: On halo he was the only human, apart from the Chief, to encounter the flood and live.

Seamus: Lad, I kinda just said that.

Rolo'mono: Shut up.

Seamus: No you shut up.

Rolo'mono: No you shut up!

Ranger: Guys don't make me kick your asses again.

Rolo'mono/Seamus: Fine.

Rolo'mono: Johnson was highly decorated for his service on halo and Reach. When the battle of earth arrived he was on the front lines and was there to discover the delta halo and from the allaince with the Arbiter.

Seamus: Roll clip of Johnson threatening Tarturus!

**Clip!**

The Arbiter can be seen facing Tarturus and his brute buddies.

Arbiter: Oracle, what is halo's purpose?

343 : Colectivly the seven rings.

Tarturus, who didn't get his early morning bottle of milk from Truth and is hence very pissed off roars in anger and grabs Spark!

Tarturus: NOT ANOTHER WORD!

Johnson: Please.

Everyone tuns around to see Johnson holding a beam rifle.

Johnson: Don't shake the light bulb.

The brute guards, who also didn't get their milkly, roared and moved to attack Johnson.

Johnson: If you want to keep you brains inside your head I suggest you tell those boys to chil!

Tarturus shats his loin clothe.

**End Clip**.

Rolo'mono: After that he returned to earth and helped the Master Cheif and the Arbiter take out the AA cannons and stop the flood.

Seamus: What? All he did was talk over the radio and drive a pelican! He didn't do anything!

Rolo'mono: Don't you insult Johnson!

Seamus: So what he's...

Seamus shuts down. Ranger walks forward.

Ranger: Sorry guys I havve to cut this short. Spoilers you know.

Rolo'mono: You could have finished your halo parody before you started this fic.

Ranger: Shut up. Any ways. I'm Ranger24.

Rolo'mono: And I'm Rolo'mono.

Ranger: And we'll see you next time here on "Why humanity won the war" read and review. Next time The Arbiter: For Keanu Revees!


	5. The Arbiter: All hail Keanu Reeves!

Ranger24: Hey we're back with why humanity won the war! Sorry about the wait. My grandparents were over for the weekend.

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The Arbiter: All hail Keanu Reeves!

Disclaimer: I own nothing but my OC narrators.

Rolo'mono: Finally someone I can get behind!

Seamus: better not let any fan girls hear you say that or they might get ideas.

Seamus pauses the story.

Seamus: You yaoi fan girls sicken me.

Story resumes.

Rolo'mono: The Arbiter was a member of a wealthy and powerful clan of elite's, he soon became the commander of a decent sized battle group.

Seamus: Basicly he got four ships. Whuppdie fucking do.

Rolo'mono: After the battle of sigma octanus he quit drinking to prevent further... accidents.

Seamus: You mean getting his ass kicked?

Rolo'mono: Shut up. He was promoted, gained a massive battle fleet of over three hundred ships.

Seamus: Oh.

Rolo'mono: THen he used them to attack reach which had a defense force of over 180 ships and twenty one orbital MAC stations. The battle was one by clever tactics by the Arbiter.

**Flashback.**

_On board the Arbiter's flagship the commanders of his entire fleet can be seen. At the time he's wearing very fancy purple armor and a big fancy cape._

_Arbiter: Okay commanders. The human planet is well fortified with a large force of warships, and lost of strange stations with big poles on top. These stations have unknoown weapons so well be hitting they're only weakness a large cluster of ground side generators. We will land troops at the poles with carriers and kill the generators._

_Elite captain 1: Sir? How do you know this?_

_Arbiter: I got it from the little trashcan in the corner._

_He points to a very badly damaged R2D2._

**End flashback.**

Seamus: Say didn't you fly at reach?

Rolo'mono: Yes.

**Flashback.**

_We can see a large group of seraph fighters heading towards reach. Rolo'mono can be seen inside one wearing blue armor._

_Elite flight commander: All units report in._

_Elite piolt 1: Red 2 standing by._

_Elite piolt 2: Red 4 standing by._

_Elite piolt 3: Red 3 standing by._

_Rolo'mono: Red five standing by._

_Sean Connery: Red october standing by._

_Some black elite: Red fox standing by._

_Elite commander: Okay all units we've got a group of human ships heading for the planet, take 'em out._

_Rolo'mono: Roger._

_The seraphs roar into battle after three long swords and a pelican. Two long swords break off and attack the red october is destroyed._

_Rolo'mono: They got Red october!_

_Rolo'mono joins a group of thirty seraphs and shoots down the long sword then fires on the pelican hitting it in the cockpit!_

Ranger: Hold it!

**End flashback.**

Ranger storms onto the stage.

Rolo'mono: What?

Ranger: That scenes from the begining of first stirke only from inside the pelican! You're the one who killed four spartans!

Rolo'mono: Yeah I got promted for it.

Ranger: Asshole.

Rolo'mono back to topic. The Arbiter then went to halo and totally got his career fucked up when Master Chief destroyed halo and he lost his own ship to master chief while he got shoved into an escape pod.

Seamus: Sucks to be Arbiter.

Rolo'mono: The prophets punished him. Branded him with the mark of shame and tortured him.

Seamus gasped.

Seamus: They didn't do...! Tell me that they didn't!

Rolo'mono: Yes they made him which grunt pornos.

Seamus: NOOO!!!!

Rolo'mono: He was then given the positioon of Arbiter and he was asigned to the kill the heritics on a forerunner mining faciluty. He succeeded and captured the oracle 343 guilty spark. Later after the death of Regret he went to delta halo to recover the index. But the whole thing was a trap as Tarturus betrayed him and renacted the scene from 300 with his gravity hammer.

Seamus: Wait didn't halo 2 come out first.

Rolo'mono: We had the trailers and we get a lot of graphic novels.

Seamus: Well that explains all that anime porn under you bed.

Rolo'mono: Its called hentia.

Seamus: Whatever.

Rolo'mono: After the fight with tartarus he sided with the humans with the other elites and then began a massive battle to make the prophets lives hell.

Seamus: So he started killing them on WOW?

Rolo'mono: Yep. And he was playing allaince.

**Flashback.**

_Regret, Truth, and Mercys orc warrior, Tarun shaman, and blood elf paladin (respectivly). Can be seen killing helpless boars in the forest._

_Regret: This is almost as much fun as betraying the elites and cutting my self. Almost._

_Truth: In a few hours we will attack the nearest alliance settlement and kill them all!_

_Mercy: LOL stupid pigs._

_Suddenly the Arbiter's... What are those blue dog like things? Never mind warrior jumped out and killed Mercy._

_Arbiter: Behold n00bs! I am level ninety!_

_Truth: Impossible! You can't go higher than level sixety!_

_Arbiter: Blizzards giving me a loop hole!_

_Regret: Damn._

_Arbiter kills Regret._

_Truth: (._

_Arbiter kills Truth._

_Arbiter: HA! I did it! I killed them! They're dead! Victory is mine_

_Suddenly a gnome mage level twenty stabbs him and kills him._

_Arbiter: What the?_

_Yayap: I did it! I killed the Arbiter! Finally chicks might sleep with me! And I won't end up with the really old cheerios!_

**End flashback.**

Rolo'mono: On the way to earth he watch the matrix and all of its sequels.

Seamus: Oh god.

Rolo'mono: He told us of how awesome Keanu Reeves was and he became our new god! Hail Keanu Reeves! Hail the One! He destroys Agent Smith and brings peace to both worlds! Hail Keanu! He tricks the devil into curing his lung cancer from smoking to much! Hail the all mighty Keanu! And the first prophet of Keanu the Arbiter! Hail!

Seamus: Come on jackass get back to telling us about the Arbiter.

Rolo'mono: Fine. After the fighting on earth and the ark and...

What ever Rolo'mono was about to say was censored by Ranger.

Rolo'mono: He went home to Sanghellios to try and get back into his clan bbut his parents informed him he was adopted. They found him in the streets and since they're own son had died some time earlier they used him as a replacement.

Seamus: Just like Final Fantasy ten!

Rolo'mono: He went on a quest to find his true father and traveled around the universe recruiiting Lavernius Tucker, and Yuffie Kissagari.

Seamus: From final fantasy 7?

Rolo'mono: They're dating.

Seamus: Weird.

Rolo'mono: During that jounrey and at the climatic battle on!

Ranger hits Rolo'mono over the head with his swords blunt side.

Ranger: Don't reveal spoilers to a new fan fic coming after I finish halo 3.

Seamus: So is that it?

Ranger: Yeah that's about it. The Abriter did his part to help win the war.

Seamus: I'm Seamus:

Rolo'mono: I'm Rolo'mono.

Ranger: And I'm Ranger24. And we'll see you next time. Read and review. Next time The Keyes family: Oh my god you killed Keyes!


	6. Arbiter 25

Arbiter 2.5

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Ranger: Okay after a recent death threat from gruntlord I am going to reveal the thing I censored last chapter.

Seamus: Hooray!

Rolo'mono: Yippe.

Ranger: The Arbiter after halo 3 went looking for his unknown father. Well he found him.

Seamus: Well who the hell is it?

Ranger: This may creep some people out but… The father…

Rolo'mono/Seamus: Yes.

Ranger: Of the Arbiter.

Rolo'mono/Seamus: Yes!

Ranger: Non other than!

Rolo'mono/Seamus: YES!!!

Ranger: One…

Chibiskitty, Gruntlord, Lord Mandolore, and seven million other fans of halo: Get on with it!

Ranger: Okay geeze can't a guy have a little fun? The father is blue army private Lavernius Tucker.

Out side the studio several cars crash, babies stop crying, an old man drops dead of a heart attack, and Tucker fangirls commit suicide. Rolo'mono and Seamus are having an anime jaw drop. Then they burst out laughing. They both fall to the ground laughing so hard. They finally stop to minutes later.

Ranger: Guys seriously Tucker is the Arbiter's father.

Seamus: That's impossible.

Ranger: Oh really?

Rolo'mono: Tucker Junior was onboard the pelican that exploded in the final episode of red vs blue remember.

Ranger: Ah but there is a flaw with your logic. The actual explosion appeared after the ship jumped. Thus in the freaky laws of physics breaking world of slipstream Andy's explosion sent Junior into the past and right to high charity. See it makes sense.

Seamus pulled out a book of the laws of physics trying to find some flaw in Ranger's logic.

Seamus: Dear god it makes sense.

Rolo'mono: How did you find out?

Ranger: Elementary dear gentlemen. As I was saying, The Aribter hit his head when he arrived in high charity wiping blarg speech from his brain thus covenant dialect became his first language. I also discovered that when you say something remotely sexual around him he replies well… Hey Arbiter!

Arbiter: What?

Ranger: I need you to help me watch everyone's ass in my halo fanfic.

Arbiter: Bow-chicka-honk-honk. Damn! Where'd that come from?

Yayap: It's called suppressed memories jackass.

Arbiter: DIE TRAITOR!!

Arbiter rips of Yayap's mask and cuts Yayap's groin off with his energy sword.

Ranger grinned at the incredulous Seamus and Rolo'mono

Seamus: Holly fuck.

Ranger: Yeah and he's only just found out his fathers dating Yuffie Kissagri.

Rolo'mono: From final Fantasy seven?

Ranger: Bingo.

Seamus: How'd that happen?

Ranger breaks into tears.

Seamus: What the?

Ranger: The guy who wrote the story took it off! Now I had to carry this mixed pairing into the Cartoon Crossovers section. It's been picked up as well by Chibiskitty.

Rolo'mono: I thought he was dating Grif's Sister?

Ranger: Nah she was just a fab. She still wants him though. Trust me, she and Yuffie have had some awesome cat fights. Most of which end in both of them out cold.

Seamus: Sweat.

Ranger: Okay that's about all the time we have. So I'm Ranger24.

Seamus: I'm Seamus.

Rolo'mono: I'm Rolo'mono… Wait since Tucker gave birth doesn't that make him the mom?

Long silence. Ranger shrugs.

Ranger: Anyways read and review. Next time for real The Keyes Family: Oh my god! They killed Keyes!

Rolo'mono: YOU BASTARDS!

Long silence.

Rolo'mono: Sorry.


	7. The Keyes family: Oh my god!

The Keyes family: Oh my good you killed Keyes!

Rolo'mono: YOU BASTARD!!

Ranger: Dude don't do that.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Ranger: Okay before I start this chapter Grunt lord I am Ranger24! You threaten my fanfic appearance you threaten me! Kapesh!

Seamus: Just start the damn chapter.

Rolo'mono: The Keyes Family is a long line of military pedigree. With two main members. Captain Jacob Keyes and Commander Miranda Keyes.

Seamus: Like father like daughter in more ways than one.

Rolo'mono: Captian Keyes was already embroiled in hot moments before he graduated the naval academy. A young leutinant Had come up with a new way to increase the speed of slipspace jumps. Which was a bust.

Seamus: Basicly he killed a couple of freshmen and failed to make a jump. Keyes was court masheled for refusing to testify against the leutinant.

Rolo'mono: Wait did you just give decent information?

Seamus: Yes.

Rolo'mono: IT'S A SIGN OF THE APOCOLYPS! HELP ME KEANU REEVES!!!!! HELP ME!!!!

Ranger: Okay until he calms down I'll do the facts. Jacob Keyes was then involved with tracking down a lot of the students for the Spartan program.

Seamus: BAsicly he was talking to six year olds.

FLASHBACK!

_We see some kids talking with eachother on a playground._

_Kid 1: So I was talking to Gary…_

_A younger Jacob Keyes jumps up next to them._

_Keyes: Yo homes! Wats the dillio?_

_Kid 1: Excuse me?_

_Kid 2: MOM! I'm being attacked by a pedophile!_

_Mom: STAY AWAY FROM MY BABY!!_

_A bearded fat lady starts wacking Keyes over the head with her purse!_

_Keyes: AH! JESUS! OW! STOP IT!!_

_Keyes runs off still being chased by the mom._

_Kid 1: Hey Grif Your mom is creepy._

_Kid 2: Shut it Church._

_Kid 3: BOWCHICKABOWWOW!_

_Kid 4: Church, Tucker is being very scary. Can I have some orange juice?_

END FLASHBACK.

Seamus: Okay back to topic.

Ranger: After that Keyes became a teacher for a bit at the naval acdemy during the early years of the covenant war. However he was forced to fight and became a hero aboard the frigate _Merrie Weather Lewis._

Seamus: A guy with a girls name is the name of a ship? Man what happened to enterprise.

Ranger: Startrek.

Seamus: God damn you captain Kirk.

Ranger: You mean Willam Shatner.

Rolo'mono: Live long and prosper.

Ranger: Shut up.

Rolo'mono: Okay, now after this he was given command of the UNSC destroyer the _Iroquios_. It was with the _Iroquios_ that he one the first battle of Sigma octanus with a crazy navigation officer on the verge of mutiny.

Seamus: Then that said officer went to the UNSC DMV.

CLIP!

_We see Lt. Jaggers the leutinant who screwed up talking to sergeant Johnson._

_Jaggers: Okay Sergeant major just fill out the form and we'll unimpound your warthog._

_Jonhson looks it over._

_Johnson: Whats this shit over sexuall orenination?_

_Jaggers: Ummmm… Nothing._

_Johnson: Command we have a code pink. We have a homo._

_Jaggers: WAIT NO!_

_Marines drag Jagger's away and Johnson grabs his key's._

_Johnson: Everytime._

End CLIP!

Rolo'mono: So he was gay, a coward, and drunk?

Seamus: Bingo.

Rolo'mono: After the battle Keyes was given command of the UNSC Halcyon class cruiser _The Pillar of atumn_ for the top secret mission involving the Spartans, the prophets covenant ships and a hope to end the war. However the attack on reach happened.

Seamus: No thanks to you.

Rolo'mono: Up yours. OH wait you don't have one.

Seamus: Split lip.

Rolo'mono: Okay douche bag shut up. After that the whole Halo thing happened and he got taken by the flood. The UNSC lost one of its best captains.

Seamus: Then his daughter became the person in charge of the ship.

Rolo'mono: Yes and she helped form the alleince between the elites and the humans.

Seamus: Sure she didn't blow the Arbiter?

Rolo'mono: Shut up bucket head.

Seamus: Bucket head oh come on.

Rolo'mono: Afterwards the Commander Keyes helped hold the line on earth post covenant invasion, provided air cover during the battle of Voi, and led the human forces at the Ark until her death at the hands of the prophet of truth. Bastrad.

Ranger: Okay now you can say it.

Seamus: OH my god! They killed both Keyes!

Rolo'mono: YOU BASTARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ranger: Next time we touch on a certain female AI.

Seamus: Meow.

Rolo'mono: Ha! And you accuse me of being a Johnson fanboy!

Ranger: Umm… Rolo' I don't think it's the same thing since everyone has a speacil place in their hheart for Cortana. Except Yaoi fangirls.

Suddenly an army of yaoi fangirls break down the door!

Fangirls: CHEIFXJOHNSON!

Ranger: DIE!! DIE! DIE!!!!

Ranger begins to slaughter the fangirls! Rolo'mono and Seamus have anime sweat drops.

Seamus: Umm…? Read and review?

Ranger: DIE!! DIE AND BURN IN HELL!!!

Ranger slices of a fangirls head.

Rolo'mono: God I hate my life.


	8. Cortana: Agitator or angel?

Ranger24: Sorry for the delay in updates lately. My younger brothers been hogging the computer lately because of all the rain.

Warning! Sexual innuendos are in this chapter. Weman may be insulted.

PS Don't hate me Chibi.

* * *

Cortana: Annoying Angel.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Rolo'mono: Now we get to the leading lady riding shot gun with Master Chief. Cortana

Seamus: Meow.

Rolo'mono: What the?

Seamus: What a robot can't think an AI is sexy?

Rolo'mono: Didn't even know you guys had sex.

Seamus: Like your kind do?

Rolo'mono: Yeah we have concealed…!

Ranger24: Rolo'mono! This is a rated T story! Please refrain from describing sangheli mating rituals!

Rolo'mono: Sorry. As I was saying…

Seamus: You weren't saying anything.

Rolo'mono: Right. Cortana is an artafical intelligence construct and the defacto sex icon of halo!

Ranger24: Rolo!

Rolo'mono: What?

Ranger24: Don't make me have to bring in a guest speaker for this!

Rolo'mono: Like who?

Ranger24: You don't want to know.

Rolo'mono: Okay then… Cortana was created like all AI's from analyzed human remains turned into an actual three dimesonal computerized persona.

Seamus: In English split lip!

Rolo'mono: She's a computer program made from an actual human.

Seamus: Oh.

Rolo'mono: Technically your AI was made in the same manner.

Seamus: Cool maybe I should call her up…

Rolo'mono: Why the douche would she sleep with you? Further more I'm not sure AI's can have sex!

Suddenly a trap door opens up below Rolo'mono who groans.

Rolo'mono: Oh f3k berries.

He falls into a through the trap door and down into nothingness for all time! Or atleast until the chapter ends either or.

Ranger24: Okay subbing for Rolo'mono is Chibi Skitty Dona's Kingdom hearts OC Xibchi.

Xibchi: Why the hell am I doing this again when I can be making Chibi miserable?

Ranger24: Because your getting paid ten bucks a chapter.

Seamus: Wait, she gets paid?

Ranger24: Okay just read whatever I've written.

Xibchi: Whatever ahole.

Ranger24: Bitch.

Xibchi: Okay basically Cortana's this little annoying computer program who is capable of using an entire ship by herself but relies on the Master Chief for survival.

Seamus: Yeah that's kinda the way it is with most video games.

Xibchi: SEXIST!

Seamus: Oh shut up girly before a shove a tear gas grenade down your throat!

Xibchi: Okay geeze calm down.

Seamus puts away the tear gas grenade.

Xibchi: Cortana was created from the cloned brain of the head of the Spartan program Dr Katherine Hasley. So basically she was a much younger version.

Seamus: …. Damnit.

Xibchi: What?

Seamus: I'm out'ta lines.

Xibchi: So what?

Seamus: Well there goes the comedy!

Xibchi: Well make it up bolt head!

Seamus: Okay I will try. Beer me!

Xibchi tosses Seamus a beer.

Xibchi: Okay Cortana was produced to participate in a top secret mission. Design to overthrow the covenant empire.

Seamus starts chugging the beer down then grabs another.

Xibchi: The mission was to infiltrate a covenant ship fill it with the Spartans. Then take it to high charity and capturing the prophets. However reach was attacked before hand and the mission was scraped.

Seamus is still drinking!

Xibchi: After the battle of reach in which the autumn was able to kill an assault carrier, a regular carrier, and an unknown number of other ships she jumped the ship to halo using coordinates found by Master Chief on sigma octanus.

Seamus is on his fourth keg!

Xibchi: Okay dude stop drinking! You'll kill yourself.

Ranger24: Actually he's like Bender from futurama. He needs beer to survive he runs better on more.

Xibchi: Oh. Okay. On halo she and Captain Keyes were able to destroy four of a dozen covenant cruisers before the ships MAC cannon is disabled. She was loaded into the master chief's armor to escape. Which is something she was designed to be able to do.

Seamus is now drinking from a truck tankers worth of beer a bunch of marines are cluster around him!

Marines: GO! GO! GO!

Xibchi: On halo Cortana was instrumental in saving humanity by stopping Master Chief from using the index to activate halo. Then she helped Master Chief destroy halo using the pillar of autumn's fusion reactors as a bomb.

Seamus is now drinking from a friging oil tanker!!

Xibchi: During the journey back to earth Cortana was able to help Master Chief and the surviving Spartans destroy five hundred covenant ships and capture a lot of covenant tech and 3000 covenant engineers.

Seamus is now drinking from a friging death star size beer keg!

Xibchi: OH MY GOD!!! STOP DRINKING YOU'LL KILL YOURSELF!!!

Seamus empties the death star.

Seamus: Okay I'm good to go. By the way why are you such an annoying bitch?

Xibchi: Oh you little!

Seamus: Little? I'm a seven foot tall Spartan armor clad robot!

Xibchi: I'll…!

Seamus: Do what? Insult me? Complain to the author? Cry?

Xibchi: …

Seamus: Oh you got pwned biyatch.

Ranger24: Seamus, ease up a bit. She's a friend of mines oc.

Seamus: Oh shut up.

Ranger24: Seamus! Don't make me shut you down!

Seamus: You don't have the guts!

Rolo'mono: But I do!

Everyone whirls around to see Rolo'mono standing behind them energy sword in hand covered in blood and for some reason lipstick marks?

Seamus: Where the hell does that trap door go?

Ranger24: A pit full of fangirls.

Rolo'mono: WITH THE TENTECAL FETISH!

Ranger24: Rolo!

Rolo'mono: I just killed thousands of crazy fan girls! I think I have the right to be pissed off!

Ranger24: Rolo calm down.

Seamus: Yeah don't go ape on us.

Rolo'mono: How dare you compare me to those dumb brutes! They are raised in Chuckie cheese's and have the intelligence of toilet paper!

Flashbback:

We see a Tarturus and a roll of toilet paper on some big game show.

Host: Okay Tarturus, you can win fifty million dollars if you can name the five basic food groups.

Tarturus: Okay um… Human, Garden hose, pizza, cotton candy, and my uncle?

Host: Umm… No. Mr. Toilet paper you've just won fifty million dollars!

End flashback.

Seamus: Man that so fits you.

Rolo'mono: DIE!!

Rolo'mono tackles Seamus and they started fighting like nerds. Ranger and Xchibi have a massive anime sweat drop.

Ranger24: We'll that's kinda weird.

Xchibi: Eh I've seen more.

Ranger24: Okay just finish it.

Xchibi: Okay Cortana was implanted on the UNSC orbital MAC platform the Cairo Station at earth. During the battle of earth she destroyed at least four covenant heavy cruisers. She ten held master chief disarm a bomb and then use the said bomb to destroy a covenant assault carrier.

Ranger24: Kick ass.

Xchibi: She was then able to help Master Chief on delta halo until she was captured by the flood on high charity.

Rolo'mono: DIE!!

Ranger24: Settle down over there.

Xchibi: She was finally rescued by Master Chief and escaped with the Chief and the Arbiter and made for the newly rebuilt halo and… What the??

Ranger24: Oh yeah sorry that's the spoiler block. I can't disclose any end of halo 3 information until I finish my parody on it.

Xchibi: Oh.

Ranger24: So next time. It's the Spartans: PREPARE FOR GLORY! Read and review.


	9. Spartans: Prepare for glory!

Spartans: Prepare for glory

Spartans: Prepare for glory!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Ranger24: Hi everyone, before we start this chapter I'd like to introduce one of our new narrators he's one of my newest OCs. So everyone give a big Why humanity won the war welcome to Kanton Uchiha. Son of Sasuke Uchiha, come back from the future to stop something terrible.

A young man in his early teens enters. He has green eyes, spiky black, a blue shirt, white pants, and a fan shaped symbol on his back.

Kanton: Hi.

Ranger24: Okay now let's start the chapter!

Que: 300 music.

Rolo'mono: The Spartans are descended from Hercules himself, taught never to retreat, never to surrender, taught that death on the battle field in service to humanity and earth was the greatest glory that can be achieved in this life. Spartans, the finest soldiers the galaxy has ever known!

Seamus: Basicly, they kick ass!

Kanton: Nice rewrite of what said in all of those 300 trailers.

Rolo'mono: Thank you. The Spartans were started with project Orion. Before the human Covenant war the Spartans were created to prevent an all out civil war in humanity's outer colonies. They were all kidnapped at the age of six, taken to Reach and for the next eight years they trained to become the greatest soldiers they could be.

Seamus: Little kids kicking ass? … I… Oh my god. MC kicked ass when he was eight years old!

Kanton: Duh. Let's roll the clip!

Flashback!

We see a much younger master chief surrounded by dead squirrels, several wrecked tanks, and a whole football team!

Master Chief: I kill noobs.

End Flashback.

Seamus: Shut it spiky that's my job to start clips.

Rolo'mono: At age fourteen they were given highly dangerous genetic modification to make them stronger, faster, even see in the dark!

Seamus: Cool! The Chief has night vision!

Kanton: So? I can watch a movie and remember every detail!

Seamus: Nobody cares.

Rolo'mono: However there was a high mortality rate among the Spartans during the augmentations. Nearly half died and 12 more were crippled for life.

Kanton: Damn.

Seamus: Shit.

Rolo'mono: The Spartans however became stronger when they received the MJLONEIR armor! It made them damn near invincible. In fact during their first time using it they took out a covenant warship.

Seamus: So?

Rolo'mono: With only one casualty.

Kanton and Seamus slumped their shoulders.

Seamus: Damn

Kanton: Holly…

Suddenly Kanton's phone rings.

Kanton: Hold on.

Kanton pulls out his blackberry and flicks it open.

Kanton: Hello… Hi mom… What? I wasn't going to curse! …No, I am not raising my voice to you… Yes I'll refrain from cursing… Love you to mom… See you at home… Bye.

Kanton flicks it off.

Kanton: Okay I'm good.

Rolo'mono: Okay, the Spartans proved there effectiveness against the covenant winning numerous ground engagements. During the main war only three Spartans were killed and one wounded. Until Reach that is.

Seamus: Ah yes the terrible battle of reach.

Kanton: What happened there again?

Rolo'mono: The majority of Spartans were sent ground side to hold the orbital MAC gun power generators. Of those who went groundside only six escaped alive. Four of those were then killed in later missions.

Seamus: Shit.

Kanton: Man that sucks.

Rolo'mono: Yeah but wait until you hear about the Spartan III's they…

Suddenly Ranger rushed in wearing a pilot's uniform.

Ranger24: Guys! We've got Grunt lords death star forty minutes away from killing us!

Rolo'mono: What!?

Ranger24: Too your fighters!

The four of them rush into three long swords and one Seraph fighter! Then they launch! Five minutes later they were heading at full speed towards the death star supported by eight Ompa Lompa's borrowed from lord Mandalore!

Ranger24: Okay we've all seen the movie! Head for the trench and blow this thing sky high!

All: Roger that!

Ompa Lompa 1: Grunt controlled TIE fighters inbound!

Ranger24: Roger that! Ompa Lompa group one! Suicide run on the trench, group two and three cover us!

Instantly all eight of the Ompa Lompa pilots were killed by Grunts, three of whom exit their ships and tea bag the Ompa Lompas only to die in the low pressure of space. The heros attack the death star and enemy fighters with missiles and plasma doing as much damage as they can! But the giant blowing ball won't die!

Kanton: Okay, you know what. I'm just going to nuke this thing.

Kanton dives his long sword into the trench! Suddenly Grunt Lord and his lackeys begin tailing him!

Rolo'mono: Watch out Grunts on your tail!

Kanton: What? Oh nuts!

Grunts begin to fire on him!

Kanton: Oh crap!

Keanu Reeves: Kanton, use the power of the one!

Kanton: What the hell are you talking about?

Keanu Reeves: Kid, trust me.

Kanton switches off his targeting computer and begins to dodge the laser rounds in slow motion.

Seamus: Little lad, you've switched off yer targeting computer what's wrong?

Kanton: Nothing I'm alright!

Grunt lord gets a lock on Kanton's tail!

Grunt lord: I have you now!

Ranger24: Yehaw!

Grunt lord: What?

Ranger flies in and pwns the grunt pilots and sends Grunt lord spiraling out of control!

Ranger24: You're all clear kid now let's blow this thing and go home!

Kanton fires a nova nuclear war head down the shaft.

Ranger24: Okay guys lets get out of here!

They speed away from the battle and get away mere seconds before the death star blows up in a giant nuclear fire ball!

Kanton: Yeah! We win!

Seamus: Suck it noobs!

Rolo'mono: Keanu Reeves was with us it was inevitable we would win!

Ranger24: Alright let's go home!

Several hours later…

Several lines of UNSC marines, elites, and UNSC naval personal stand at attention. At one end is Tenten from Naruto with Lord Hood at her side. Suddenly some ridiculously large doors open and our four heroes march down the isle. Ranger dressed like Han Solo, Kanton like Luke Skywalker, and Rolo'mono doing Chewbacca. Seamus, he's just Seamus.

Rolo'mono: Attention!

The marines, Naval personal, and elites turn to face Tenten and lord Hood. When the heroes reach the end Tenten and Lord Hood pin several medals on their chests then Rolo'mono roars the marines, elites, and naval guys cheer waving their hands in the air. And now some credits! Just kidding about the credits thing.

Back in the studio.

Rolo'mono: Okay the S III's were essentially cheap and efficient copies of the Spartan 2's normally numbering in the hundreds on each mission. They were trained on the planet onyx which turned out to be a whole lot of sentinels stacked together.

Seamus: Great I hate just one sentinel but a planet made of them. Now that sucks!

Kanton: Tell me about it.

Rolo'mono: Due to a crazy series of events, Master Chief was the only Spartan able to defend earth in halo 3. Which is why he is the big hero!

Kanton: Horray.

Seamus: Awesome.

Rolo'mono: Yeah. But the Spartans also have cross training in how to use every piece of UNSC equipment, it's just not all of them are useable in the game.

Kanton: Cool.

Seamus: I need a beer.

Ranger24: Okay that's the chapter! Next time it's the final character chapter!

Seamus: You mean?

Ranger24: Yes, next time, to quote lord Mandalore, Master Chief Spartan 117: The big Enchilada of the UNSC taco bell!

Kanton/Rolo'mono/Seamus: Hooray!

Ranger24: Read and review!

Rolo'mono: Hey Kanton.

Kanton: Yeah?

Rolo'mono: Who's your mother?

Kanton: Easy its…

Suddenly a falling Grunt hits Kanton in the back of the head!

Kanton: Son of a bitch!


	10. Master Cheif: Part 1

Ranger24: It's the final character chapter! Enjoy.

* * *

Chapter : Master Chief part 1.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Ranger24: Okay it's here the final character chapter. Rolo'mono you have the ball.

Rolo'mono: Thank you.

Seamus: Where the heck are you going?

Ranger24: I've got to go to court, Grunt lords sued me for blowing up his property.

Kanton: Hey I blew that thing up!

Ranger24: Just keep our secret weapon ready to go. Do we have a crew?

Seamus: Yep, I got the craziest bastards from the Covenant Speratists, the UNSC, and others.

Ranger24: Good.

Ranger leaves.

Rolo'mono: Master Chief, Spartan 117 John. The Demon of the Covenant. The savior of humanity. The most bad ass dude this side of the milky way.

Seamus: Basicly he kicks ass.

Kanton: A whole lot of ass.

Rolo'mono: Master Chief was born in the year 2511 on the UNSC colony of Ereindus Secondus, in Elysium city. At age six he was drafted into project orion and began his path to .awesome kick ass killing machine.

Seamus: Six year olds in the military, weird.

Kanton: Hey in the leaf village the average kid becomes a full Ninja by age twelve.

Seamus: Nobody gives a flying frak.

Rolo'mono: Master Chief's training focused on giving him the mind of a colledge honor's graduate, and the muscle structure of an olympic athelte. Of course day one he went to bed with out dinner.

Kanton: Why's that?

Rolo'mono: During a training exercise he'd left his entire team behind so that he could win by being first to reach a bell pole. His team came in last. Although he won he was told that if his team lost he lost still.

Kanton: Reminds me of the bell test.

Seamus: Except you aren't trying to kill someone.

Kanton: We don't kill people we just have to retreive a bell.

Seamus: What ever spikey.

Rolo'mono: The next day Master Chief finally got the hang of working as a team and this time he didn't go hungry at the same time he made friends.

Seamus: Well isn't that nice.

Kanton: I wonder what Ranger's doing?

WHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTW

Meanwhile in some courtroom somewhere in the universe...

We see Ranger wearing a suit with a green tie sitting at behind a desk. On the other side of the room was Grunt lord with five lawyers. The balif enters.

Balif: All rise for the honorable judges Rtas Vandum, Lord Terrence Hood, Willam Adama, Lady Tsunade, and the honorable Count Douku.

The judges/Jury enter. The rules of the trial were that the judges would hear the evidence and make decesstions after the trial. The judges/Jury could also function as the judge and overrule objections and such but only if more than one judge wanted to hear the evidence.

The judges took they're seats.

Adama: You may sit.

Everyone sat back down.

Hood: The prosecution may now deliver... Mister 24 where is your lawyer?

Ranger24: He said he'd be here by now...

At that moment the doors opened and in entered Lee "Apollo" Adama.

Lee: Sorry I'm late. Qurom was running slow.

One of Grunt lord's lawyers stood up.

Lawyer 1: Your honors this man is obviously not qaulified to be in this case if he can't show up on time!

Tsunade: He's a poloticain, he can be late if it has a polotical excuse. Objection over ruled. Mr. Adama take your seat please.

Lee sat down next to Ranger.

Hood: Would the prosecution please make its opening statements?

The lead lawyer of Grunt lord stood up.

Lawyer 2: Your honors we are here today to trial and convict Ranger24, who already has a long criminal record as well as...

Lee: Objection. The prosuction may not bring up offenses that are irrelavant to this case.

Douku: Permited.

Lawyer 2: Ranger24 knowingly and willingly destroyed the property of our client. I ask you to please covict him.

WHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTW

Kanton: Nevermind.

Rolo'mono: Master Chief was made commander of the spartans after an incedent involving stealing a pelican being guard by ununiformed, drunked, armed men. He and his fellow spartans captured the dropship and beat the living shit out of the guards. Even though it was sixty four on eight.

Seamus: Eh I'll call it over kill.

Kanton: Just like endor all over again.

Seamus: But spartans don't have fur. Or do they?

Kanton: Please stop talking.

Seamus: No.

Rolo'mono: A few years later at age 14 Master Chief along with the other spartans under went the dangerous genetic augmentation's of the spartans. He survived but was so shocked by the results that he was emotionally distraught.

Kanton: Yeah losing half your friends in one day and twelve more of them being crippled for life can really screw up your day.

Seamus: You humans are so overly senseitive.

Kanton: What are you talking about? You cry if you miss an episode of desperate house wives.

Seamus: Well if you miss one then your lost! Is it my fault they make the show so damned serial?

Rolo'mono: Shortly after the augmentations the ONI...

Seamus: ONI?

Kanton: Office of naval intelligence.

Seamus: Oh.

Rolo'mono: Decided to test out the spartans. Master Chief was given a situation. He was antagonized on the UNSC carrier Atlas by four ODST's. They got in the boxing ring. He killed two of them and critically wounded the other two.

Seamus: So?

Rolo'mono: One of them had a lead pipe.

Seamus: So?

Rolo'mono: He beat them in less than a minute.

Seamus: So?

Rolo'mono: Without even being touched.

Kanton: Cool!

Seamus: So?

Kanton: Dude are you alright?

Seamus: So?

Rolo'mono: He's buffering give him a minute.

WHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTW

Meanwhile back at the trial.

Rtas Vandum: The prosecution may call it's first witness.

Lawyer 2: The prosecution would like to call Yayap the grunt to the stand.

Yayap walked up to the stand the Balif held out a bible.

Balif: Do you swear to tell the truth, and nothing but the truth?

Yayap: TACO'S!!

Yayap eats the bible! Hood slams his gavel on his desk.

Hood: ORDER! ORDER!

The Balif restrains Yayap.

Yayap: Sorry, it looked so good.

Hood: If the prosecution cannot control it's witness, then testimony of the prosectuion will be put under intense scrutiny.

Lawyer 2: Understood your honor.

Yayap finally sits down at the stand.

Lawyer 2: Mr. Yayap is it true that you were a crew member of this death star?

Yayap: Is 42 the answer to the question?

Several of the various collection of leaf village ninja's, Elites, UNSC marines, Colonail viper pilots, and dark jedi snicker.

Hood: Order in the court room.

Lawyer: Mr. Yayap were you a member of the crew of the death star commanded by Grunt lord?

Yayap: Yeah sure.

Lawyer 2: And where were you when the station was destroyed?

Yayap: I was taking a nap. Somehow the barracks weren't blown up with the rest of the station and we landed right next to a taco bell.

Lawyer 2: Do you know who destroyed the death star?

Yayap: Personally no.

Lawyer 2: Can you point to the one who blew up the death star?

Yayap: He's not here though, although he looks like that guy in the back.

He points to Sasuke who is hiding in the back row.

Sasuke: Aw shit.

Suddenly some twenty fangirls break down the door and grab Sasuke!

Fangirls: SASUKEXNARUTO!

Ranger24: DIE! DIE! DIE!!

Ranger jumps up from his seat grabbs Hood's gavel and starts killing the fangirls mercilessly! Everyone else pulls out weapons they'd hid with the chick siting next to them and started killing fangirls. Hood stutters for a minute then turns to Tsunade.

Hood: Tsunade can I borrow your gavel?

Tsunade: Sure.

Tsunade hands him the spare gavel which he bangs on the desk.

Hood: ORDER!

WHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTW

Back at the studio...

Seamus: So? So? So?

Rolo'mono: Got any 3's?

Kanton: Go fish.

Seamus suddenly shakes and shudders then finally snaps out of it.

Seamus: Ugh what happened?

Rolo'mono: You started randomly repeating the word so.

Seamus: Oh.

Suddenly Kanton's phone rings.

Kanton: Hang on.

Kanton pulled out his phone.

Kanton: Hello? Uh huh... Okay... Got it... Okay we'll be right over... Bye.

Kanton hung up his phone.

Kanton: Ranger says that they called a recess to clean the court room of fangirl bodies. He want's us over there right now.

Seamus: Peachy.

Rolo'mono: What about Master Chief?

Kanton: He said to put it on hold temporarily.

Rolo'mono: Fine.

Seamus: I just hope they don't use metal detectors.

Kanton: I call shot gun.

Rolo'mono: F#k.

Kanton: Read and review.


	11. Master Cheif: Part 2!

Master Cheif: Part 2!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Back to the court house, Kanton, Seamus, and Rolo'mono enter the lobby.

Kanton: I told you guys we should have valle parked.

Seamus: At todays prices? Hell no!

Rolo'mono: Let's just hurry up and find the court room. It's been...

Checks his watch.

Rolo'mono: Six weeks already!

They enter the court room to find everyone standing up as the judges are about to announce the verdict!

Adama: Ranger24, on the charge of destorying Mr Gruntlords property, we find in favor of...

We are sorry. Due to an attack by fangirls, the next few paragrahphs of this chapter were lost. However the rest of it has been finished by the Korean writers.

Adama: We find in favor of... BIG AMERICAN PARTY!!

Everyone jumps to their feet looking like anime characters and starts dancing!

Korean guy: Everyone disco dancing! Everyone having very good time! I am having very good time!

Suddenly the Reno PD kicks down the door!

Korean guy: Oh shit! Police!

Grunt lords lawyer's are all arre everyone one else runs out side to their respective vehicles! Ranger and Grunt lord hop in the same warthog!

Ranger: Who's driving?

They look up front to see...

Yayap: Cookies and milk!

Grunt lord: OH SHIT!!

They drove off out of control while back at the court room the Reno PD gunned down grunt Lords lawyers, starting with Obama.

Zipp across town to a prison camp like factory! We see Tartarus carrying his gravity hammer and a whip to torture dozens of koreans working at desks!

Tartarus: WORK! WORK!

Korean guy: He very mean boss! We are slaves.

Suddenly Grunt Lord, Ranger, and Yayap's warthog crashes through the wall!

Korean guy: PLEASE SAVE US!

Ranger and Grunt lord strike stupid actoin poses!

Grunt lord: We will stop you!

Ranger: There is no escape!

THey fire their weapons at Tartarus who farted his sheild on stopping the bullets and then using his gravity hammer to send the two authors flying!

Tartarus: AHAHA!

Suddenly the roof explodes and down came...!

Yayap: Holly shit! Keanu Reeves!

Keanu Reeves: This is for all those ruined childhoods!

Keanu pwns Tartarus with a kick to the balls!

**WHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTWWHWTW**

Back at the studio everyone from the main cast is present.

Ranger24: Well that was fun.

Seamus: Yeah. So what did we lose?

Ranger24: Well we have to have a grunt on the show.

Rolo'mono: WHAT!!

Ranger24: It was that or give Grunt lord fourteen dollars.

Kanton had an anime sweat drop.

Kanton: Fourteen dollars?

Ranger24: The economy's shittie so the value of death stars dropped to one onemilloninth of its actual worth. That and credits are real worth a tenth of a penny.

Kanton: Sweet.

Ranger24: Everyone meet Fapad.

Enter a grunt in orange armor holding a plasma rifle.

Fapad: Ahola.

Kanton: Your spainish is terrible

Rolo'mono: Okay back to Master Chief.

Seamus: About frakking time.

Rolo'mono: Master chief was one of the first humans to sucessfully defeat a hunter pair in combat.

Seamus: He dropped a damn onyx pillar on them.

Kanton: Ew eel guts.

Fapad: Go good on hot dogs.

Sweat drop from all present except the grunt.

Seamus: Where'd we get this nut.

Ranger: You don't want to know. Fapad!

Fapad went into a salute!

Fapad: Yes master!

Ranger: I forbid you from telling anyone how we meet. Unless I say so!

Fapad: Yes master!

Rolo'mono: Master Chief personally tested the Mark V armor series against ODST's, chain guns, land mines, and an air strike! Defeating all of the challanges.

Seamus: Kick ass.

Rolo'mono: He didn't take part personnaly in the battle of reach though he did aid in an assault on a dock yard where Covenant forces were trying to steal a navigational data base.

Kanton: Kick ass again.

Rolo'mono: After the long events on halo he gained the nick name of demon amongst all covenant. Indeed he was worthy of the name as he followed it up with stealing a flagship, pulling a rescue op, winning a space battle, winning another space battle, then nuking over five hundred Covenant ships, and later killing the Prophet of Regret in the midst of the said prophets cutting himself ceramony.

Seamus: See no one every remebers that Regret was the Emo Prophet.

Rolo'mono: After Scaring Truth shitless on High Chariety and leaving Cortana to the flood, the Chief returned to earth, castrated a brute cheiftan, one the battle of new mombassa by castrating a second brute cheiftan, and then sneaking aboard Truth's ship before crashing down to earth to meet up with sergeant Johnson and the Arbiter.

Seamus: And they became best freinds.

Kanton: Dude he stuck a gun in the Arbiter's mouth!

Seamus: Thats what I did when I meet Rolo'mono!

Rolomono: Trust me, I still have the bruise.

Anime sweat drop for Kanton.

Rolo'mono: Master Chief was critical in winning the second battle of earth, pwning several brute chieftans, destroying numerous wraiths, and saving countless civilains before the flood showed up.

Seamus: Yeah that can really frak up your day.

Kanton: Tell me about it.

Fapad: Beer?

Fapad held up a beer mug to Seamus.

Seamus: Oh thanks.

Kanton: Wait why isn't he crazy?

Ranger24: All grunts have ADD it turns out.

Kanton: OH.

Rolo'mono: After the events on the ark and the replacement halo, Master Chief found himself on the unemployed list.

Seamus choked on his beer!

Seamus: MC? Unemployed!

Rolo'mono: Yes. He started drinking and dating Samus Aran, until she revealed she was a lesibien.

Kanton: What?

Rolo'mono: You know that spartan from Dead or alive four?

Kanton: Oh god.

Rolo'mono: Indeed. Master Chief went crawling back to Cortana who encourgaged him to purse his life long dream! Opening a sports bar!

All: HOORAY!

Rolo'mono: Now he's rich and no longeer unemployed. He also now pwns the prophets ghosts in world of warcraft with his leve six-fifty human rouge. He uses the shot gun.

Kanton: Good for Master Chief.

Seamus: He what's the name of his bar? I'm still thrist.

Rolo'mono: It's right next to darth Vader's, it's called Spartan. Master Chief also has his own line of fragrancies coming out. Spartan, the scent of combat. Garuneted to get babies, in the case of men, to sleep with you. And vice versa with girls.

Kanton: I gotta order some of that.

Rolo'mono: And that's about it.

Ranger24: Right and just like Lord mandolore I'm doing some extra stuff. This includes human vehicles, Weapons, religon (Church of Keanu Reeves), Ships, and famous battles. Then we'll cap it all off with a quick recap summary of why humans pwned covenant ass. Read and review


	12. Warthogs and Mongooses: Dukes of halo!

Warthogs and mongooses: Dukes of Halo!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Seamus: Hey and were back with another installment of why humanity one the war! So read you morons!

Rolo'mono: Seamus stop randomly insulting people.

Seamus: Up your squid boy!

Rolo'mono: Of forget it.

Ranger24: Today we're going to be talking about human vehicles. So first up is the mongoose, take it away Rolo'mono.

Rolo'mono: Right. The mongoose was revealed in Halo 3 as the human answer to the ghost and brute chopper, which looks liket he bastard offspring of the ghost and the dumpster behind my apartment.

Seamus: Yeah turns out the damn thing was supposed to be a gift to the humans before the war started but the brutes decided to repurpose it.

Kanton: As in put 30 mm cannons on it?

Seamus: Yeah.

Fapad: Can I get you guys anything?

Seamus: A beer here.

Kanton: Coke.

Rolo'mono: Captian Morgan rum.

Everyone looked at him as though he was crazy.

Rolo'mono: What? I like the hard stuff.

Fapad: On it!

Fapad ran off to get the drinks.

Rolo'mono: Okay so the mongoose was put into halo 3 as the human equivlent of the ghost. The Mongoose is tha fastest non-air non-booster vehicle and has the all terrain capabilties of the warthog.

Seamus: A little less so though.

Rolo'mono: The mongoose's rear standing position makes it valuable in anti vehicle warfare. If combined with a rocket launcher it can be highly effective in destroying slower and heavier vehicles.

Seamus: Like half the covenant's armored forces.

Rolo'mono: Oh shut up.

Kanton: Can we move on please?

Rolo'mono: Right, next on our list of vehicles is the every present M12 LRV, otherwise known as the warthog.

Seamus: Yeah I like Puma better.

Rolo'mono: Oh can it!

Kanton: Guys don't start another mid chapter fight!

Rolo'mono: The warthog is possibly the most commonly found vehicle in every installment of the Halo franchise and is mentioned or used in all of the halo novels.

Seamus: Yeah because they couldn't think of what else to give humans apart from a tank.

Rolo'mono: The warthog comes in three major variations. First is the LAAG model. This model comes equiped with a light thirty millimeter machine gun perfect for handleing light armor, infantry, brute babies, Micheal Jackson, the democrats, and air craft such as the banshee.

Seamus: Yeah because really you can just kick back and relax on the Machine gun... Unless theres a sniper in the area. Then you'd better hope you have a good driver!

**Switch scene!**

_A couple of grunts fire on a warthog which runs them over! Suddenly sniper fire hits the hood!_

_Marine 1: SHIT! THAT PAINTS CUSTOM!_

_Marine 2: Dude! Watch the road!_

_The Warthog runs over even more covenant soldiers._

_Marine 2: You know what? Never mind._

**Back to the studio...**

Rolo'mono: The next model of warthog is the Gauss warthog. This warthog is equiped with a small version of a MAC gun used on UNSC warships. The Gauss cannon is used primarily against light armor and heavy infantry.

Seamus: Yeah because trying to hit a grunt with it is damned hard, even when the bunch up..

Kanton: Which is almost always.

Rolo'mono: Both of these said models have seating for three which leaves the shot gun seat open for anyone to use what ever weapon they want.

Seamus: Like a shot gun.

Kanton: Or a rocket launcher!

Seamus: Thats gay.

Kanton: Frak you!

Rolo'mono: Hey where's that grunt with our drinks?

Seamus: Yeah! He's like a bad house elf!

Everyone stared at him for a moment.

Seamus: What?

Kanton: I really don't think a Harry Potter reference is a good idea in a halo story.

Rolo'mono: Yeah I hardly see a connection.

Fapad: Here are you're drinks!

Fapad can be seen holding a tray of drinks.

Kanton: Thanks.

Semaus takes his beer and uncorcks it. He takes one sip then throws the bottle against a wal!

Seamus: What the hell! Why is my beer warm!

Fapad: Me sorry!

Fapad hands Kanton and Rolo'mono their drinks then begins hitting himself with the tray!

Fapad: BAD FAPAD! BAD FAPAD!

Kanton: What the hell?

Rolo'mono: Yeah let's just ignore him.

Seamus: Oh come on this is fun to watch.

Kanton: Was that beer even warm?

Seamus: No.

Kanton: You bastard.

Rolo'mono: Okay moving on. The thrid variatin of warthog is the transport warthog. This model lacks the primary weapon attachment which is sacraficed to be used as a troop carrying section.

Kanton: Basicly its like a box on the back.

Rolo'mono: The transport model has seating for six extra marines not counting the driver and the person riding shot gun.

Seamus: With a shot gun.

Kanton: It'd be better with rocket launchers.

Seamus: Frak that.

Rolo'mono: The transport warthog also seems to be used as a medical evac transport for UNSC personal.

Seamus: Well it's got to do something usefull.

Kanton: Yeah like be an anti air platform with a bunch of rocket launchers!

Seamus: Totally noobie.

Rolo'mono: All warthong models come with four inch armor plating, magnetic buffer suspenstion, and three radio stations.

Seamus: All of which are crapy Latino-polka.

Kanton: Sounds nasty.

Rolomono: Warthogs are very durable. Being able to take most small arms fire as well as light armor fire.

Seamus: Right except they can't take a rocket.

Kanton: Seamus rocket's aren't small arms.

Seamus: They are in my book.

Rolo'mono: Their all terrian nature makes it possible for them to gain strategic control of important

Seamus: And that means you can do all sorts of stunts!

Kanton: Our top scientists here examined the durability of a warthog when it landed on a pile of high explosives. The results show you have better chances of surviving such an incident with a warthog than a mongoose, Chopper, Ghost, or Prowler.

Rolo'mono: Yeah the Prowler also looks like the bastard off spring of the specter from halo 2 and the dumpster behind my apartment. The same with most brute weapons only with the human weapons as the one who frakked the dumpster.

Seamus: Another good thing about warthogs is that you can do stunts with them! Dukes of hazard stuff!

Ranger enters.

Ranger24: Hey guys I'm...

Fapad hits himself with the tray for the fifty-first time.

Fapad: Bad Fapad...

Ranger24: HOLLY SHIT!

Rolo'mono: Umm... looks like a good place to stop!

Seamus: Yeah! Next time! Scorpions and elephants: Slow and steady!

Kanton: Read and review!

Ranger24: GUYS!!

Ranger pulls out his sword!

Seamus/Rolo'mono/Kanton: RUN!!


	13. Scorpions and Elephants: Slow and steady

Scorpions and Elephants: Slow and steady.

* * *

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Ranger24: Hi everyone. Well Seamus, Rolo'mono, Fapad, and Kanton are... indispose

Switch to a hospital where Rolo'mono is in a full body cast for elites, Kanton has a neck brace andboth of his arms in casts, Seamus is attached to a computer terminal while his body is in the shop, and Fapad has a bandage wrapped aroun his head.

Kanton: Nurse can I have more coke?

Enter Carla from scrubs.

Carla: Look kid you've got a neck brace! You should be taking it easy.

Rolo'mono: Nurse can I have something to drink. Ow.

Carla: I told you no talking. You've got three breaks in your mandibles.

Seamus: Nurse, can I download porn?

Carla: No and I have a name you know!

Fapad: I need cookies. GIVE ME COOKIES!

Back to Ranger...

Ranger24: Anyway in the mean time Xibchi is back with us to do this chapter.

Enter Xibchi with her usual look of not giving a shit.

Xibchi: I'm getting paid still right?

Ranger24: Yeah yeah let's just do this. Human heavy vehicles.

Xibchi: Emphazie on heavy.

Ranger24: First up is the scorpion tak which was apperantly produced just before the war to replace an older class of tank called the Rhino. The Rhino will be touched on in a later chapter about the new vehicles in halo wars the upcoming Halo rts.

Xibchi: Whats RTS stand for?

Ranger24: Real Time Strategy.

Xibchi: Oh. Wait Halo has a real time strategy game?

Ranger24: Moving on. The Scorpion M808B Main Battle Tank is the primary heavy vehicle used by UNSC forces. It has 90 mm cannon which, if you've played call of duty 4, would be a medium between the 40 mm and the 105 cannon.

Xibchi: Which means one big explosion.

Ranger24: The scorpion has a supporting M247 T 7.62mm Medium Machine gun for support against infantry.

Xibchi: So if you see one of these run.

Ranger24: The scorpion is used for anti Vehicular and anti Infantry combat. It has a top speed of two meters per second which if you count right...

Pulls out a calculator and begins to crunch the numbers.

Ranger24: About 7.2 kilometers per hour. Not very fast but it will get the job done.

Xibchi: I guess they didn't go for speed.

Ranger24: Hey against plasma bombs they needed all the armor they could get. Even still it can't hold up against a dircet hit from heavy covenant vehciles such as the Scarabs main gun. It does have speed advantage over the wraith in a flat run without boosters.

Xibchi: And its a lot less weaker in the back.because you can turn the gun around anmd blow the living shit out of that poor bastard.

Ranger24: Enmass scorpion tanks are devestating! A group of four can obliterate even the strongest defensive positions set up by the covenant.

Xibchi: Like in halo 3.

**Flash back to the ark...**

_We see a brute chieftan standing on the big tower thing hefting his hammer._

_Brute Cheiftan: We have two lines of four wraith tanks, seven choppers, eight ghosts, a chili cheese burrito launcher, and a scarab! There is no way those pathetic human meat bags will make it through this line!_

_Suddenly a warthog and four scorpion tanks roll out towards the covenant armor pwn every wraith with ease, turn the choppers into scarp metal, and run over the ghosts._

_Brute Cheiftan: WHAT THE!_

_The scarab moves into attack! A single tank rolls into attack!_

_Burte Cheiftan: Fire the chili cheese burritos!_

_Buritos go flying at the tanks but mis and get lodged in the scarabs engines._

_Brute Cheiftan: Oh shit._

**End flashback.**

Ranger24: Moving on we have the elephant. Which is a heavy UNSC mobile command post. It carries two heavy machine guns for point defence and an onboard mongoose that can be deployed to aid ground troops or send messages to command or whatever.

Xibchi: It's really fucking slow. So slow that the fat guy from Austin Powers could out run it.

Ranger24: Speaking of Austin powers, WOW wasn't the only peice of human stuff the covenant got their hands on. Other items they stole from us included...

**Seinfeild**

**The democratic party**

**All three current seasons of battlestar Galacitca**

**Playstation.**

**Playstation 2**

**Playstation portable**

**Playstation 3**

**God of war**

**Kingdom hearts**

**Final fantasy 7-245**

**Devil May cry**

**Devil May cry 2**

**Devil May cry 3**

Ranger24: Now if you're wondering why devil may cry 4 isn't on the list its because of an annoying part of the Covenant religon. The Covenant long ago swore a blood oath of loyalt to the playstation system. They would only play games solely for the Playstation and computer. Devil may cry being totally badass became the second most popular game in thee Covenant.

Xibchi: The prophets fudged the poll results to show WOW as the most popular.

Ranger24: When Devi may cry 4 came out there was much rejoicing! Until they discovered that the game they had waited five hundred years for was aviable on the X-Box 360. The Prophet immedatly banned the game. This was another contributing factor to the shattering of the Covenant. The Elites wanted to play Devil May cry 4 and the brutes were to busy playing Kingdom hearts 2 and failing to beat it while the prophets were wrapped up in the playing of WOW.

Xibchi: Wow the morons at capcom did something good for once.

Ranger24: Right it also turned out that the elites saw master chief as a possible descendant of Dante from devil may cry when they saw him dual wield pistols while having an energy sword as his back up weapon. Apperantly the Elite's thought the events of the devil may cry games were as real as the Matrix movies.

Xibchi: So is that it?

Ranger24: Yeah I'd say so. Anyway I'm Ranger24.

Xibchi: And I'm Xibchi.

Ranger24: And we'll see you next time on why humanity won the war. Next time Hornets and Pelicans: Banshees are so last season.


	14. Hornets and Pelican's: Banshee's are so

**Ranger24: Sorry for the long wait. I was being held hostage by the Chinese and then I got mugged by Canadian envirom entalists. Anyways here is the new chapter my peoples!**

* * *

Hornets and Pelicans

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Rolo'mono: Hi folks, sorry it's been a while since our last edition.

Seamus: It's been months split lip.

Bullet narrowly misses Seamus's head.

Ranger24: HEY! I was busy shit head. Besides I'm now in the 100 reviews club. Still no gift basket.

Kanton: But were giving you a choice of a speacil ending to this story.

Ranger24: Yeah, you get to chose the special ending acts. Act 1, Rolo'mono shows of his guitar skills. Act 2, Seamus fights a randomly selected enemy. Act 3, Fapad does the chicken dance. Act 4, all of the above!

Rolo'mono: Otherwise on with the aircraft of the UNSC. First up is the Hornet.

Seamus: Banshee's are so last season.

Kanton: I traded mine in.

Rolo'mono: The Hornet has been in the UNSC forces for at least twenty five years.

Seamus: Then why did we only get it in Halo three split chin?

Rolo'mono: Because the banshee was still in style an they didn't have any on the pillar of Autumn.

Seamus: Oh that's bull!

Rolo'mono: Hey don't backsas me!

Rolo'mono pulls out his energy sword, Seamus brings out his shot gun. Suddenly Fapad jumps up holding a tray of cookies shaped like Barrack Obama.

Fapad: Cookie?

Rolo'mono lowered his sword and took a cookie.

Rolo'mono: Thank you, I voted for Obama you know.

Seamus: TRAITOR! I VOTED FOR McCAIN!!

Kanton: Guys seriously calm down.

Seamus shoots at Kanton's foot and hits it with a grazing round!

Kanton: OW!!! YOU SON OF A BITCH!

Kanton tackles Seamus pulling out his kattana.

Rolo'mono: Well this is nice. The hornet is equpied with heavy machine guns and short range heat seeking missile. It can also carry two marines on the side seats. The greater armor strength and ability to maneuver like a helicopter. Although slower than the banshee it makes up for it with capability.

Meanwhile Kanton is beating the shit out of Seamus. Currently he's ripping off Seamus's arm.

Seamus: AGH! MY ARM!

Rolo'mono: The pelican is the work horse of the UNSC. It is armed with a forward 80 mm machine gun and anvil HE 2 heat seeking missiles. Ocassionaly its got a tail gun on the back for a marine to use. The pelican can carry up to fourteen marines, two mongoose ATV's, and a single warthog or Scorpion Tank.

Seamus flipps over and grabs Kanton by his spikey hair.

Kanton: Hand's out of my hair bolt box!

Fapad: Cookie?

Seamus raised his shot gun and shot Fapad in the foot!

Fapad: YOW!!

Rolo'mono: This is frakking ridiculous. The pelican is also easy to kill. I should know I killed a lot of pelican's.

**FLASHBACK!!!**

_Two Banshee's fly over the deserts of halo over the wreckage of the pillar of autum._

_Pilot one: Yu know *HICUP* I got smexed by my girlfriend last night._

_Rolo'mono: That's nice shit face._

_Pilot 1: She was so *HICUP* hot and drunk we *HICUP* did it all night long._

_Rolo'mono: Seriously why did they let you into you bird?_

_Pilot 1: Your face is in your *HICUP* bird._

_Suddenly a pelican begins heading in towards the ship._

_Rolo'mono: Contact! One human drop ship._

_Pilot 1: Your face is a human drop ship. *HICUP* Follow my lead Goose._

_Rolo'mono: I'm not Goose dipshit.._

_The two dive in towards the pillar of autum and the other pilot crashes into a covenant taco bell. Rolo'mono rolls his eyes._

_Rolo'mono: Thank god._

**END FLASHBACK**

Rolo'mono: WHAT? I DIDN"T KILL SHIT IN THAT FLASHBACK!

Ranger24: Yeah that's about all we have time for. Next time we start weapons with the light stuff.

Rolo'mono: WHAT? NO!

Ranger24: Anyways read and review people. Remember to vote on the ending act.


	15. Pistols and SMG's: DIE ALREADY!

Pistols and SMG's: DIE ALREADY!!!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Rolo'mono: Happy holidays folks today we're doing the light weapons of the UNSC. This includes the M6D, M6C, M6G, and the M7 caseless SMG.

Seamus: Or the automatic stapler.

Rolo'mono: I'm not really going to comment on that. The SMG sucked.

Ranger24: Why do you guys think I use an M6C instead?

Rolo'mono: Well let's start off with everyone's favorite light weapon the M6D.

Seamus: Oh how aye miss ye.

Rolo'mono: The M6D was used throughout Halo: Combat evolved as your standard side arm. The M6D pack serious fire power, range, and a handy times 2 scope.

Seamus: Ah the mini scope. Aye will always remember the good times…

**Flashback.**

_Seamus shoots a grunt in the head with the M6D._

_Seamus: Oh aye love this gun._

_Flood swarm charges him. Seamus goes times two and picks them off rapidly. Hugs his gun._

_Seamus: Oh if ye war a woman aye'd marry ye._

**End Flashback.**

Rolo'mono: The M6D was designed for speacil forces but was not launched into full mass production. It had a high stoping power but for some reason might fail to kill a grunt with a gut shot.

Seamus: As usual, the military buys from the lowest bidder.

Rolo'mono: The M6C replaced the M6D in Halo 2. The M6C is believed to be the navy's side arm and made up in fire power for it's poor companion weapon the M7 Caseless SMG.

Ranger24: See, that's why I went with the M6C, the SMG sucked ass.

**Flashback.**

_Ranger can be seen playing halo two and shooting an Elite with an smg._

_Ranger24: Come on die already!_

_Elite takes a whole clip of smg fire just to down his shields. BeforeRanger can melee bash him the Elite pulls out his energy, stabs Ranger's Spartan in the gut, curb stomps him, and skull f*ck's the corpse. _

_Ranger24: Shit._

_Respawns and picks up the M6C. Ranger attacks the same elite and downs it in half a clip of head shots._

_Ranger24: I think I'm in love._

**End Flashback**

Ranger pulls out his M6C and head shots a randomly placed Jackal.

Ranger24: I love this gun. The M6C fires twelve 12.7x40mm M228 Semi-armor-peircing-high-penetration/ .50 Magnum Caliber rounds. Maximum range of 19 to 23 yards but in real life such a gun, with a barrel length of 26.8 cm, could hit targets up to 50 to 100 yards away.

Rolo'mono: The M6C was initially unpopular at first due to it's lack of the handy times two scope however when player realized how much the M7 Caseless SMG sucked, many decided to live with the new gun. The reason why the scope may not have been present was the fact it was an older model of the gun.

Seamus: Aye still prefer the M6D.

Rolo'mono: Now we turn to the M7 Caseless SMG.

Ranger24/Kanton/Seamus: You mean the Automatic stapler.

Rolo'mono: What are you talking about.

Ranger24: If the Spiker's a nail gun the SMG's an automatic stapler.

Rolo'mono: Whatever. The M7 Caseless was released as a replacement for the MA5B assault rifle. It had the same magazine capacity but it lacked in the area's of range and fire power. This and the fact it was duel wieldable quickly started many players to become annoyed with the weapon. Players began to stop sniping, meleeing, or grenading and just killed an enemy player and stole his SMG.

Kanton: Boo.

Rolo'mono: This development lead bungie to begin plans to bring the Assault rifle back for halo three but to balance it out more. The topic will be covered in our piece on Medium weapons. The M7 was upgraded in Halo 3 by removing the silencer that cut back on the fire power. It made it sound… a little less gay.

Kanton: Like the needler, which went from to total suck to OH MY GOD!!

Fapad enters holding a needler.

Seamus: 'e's got a Needler!

Rolo'mono: Run!

Fapad: Pay back time for all those chapters ago!

Fapad chases Rolo'mono, Seamus, and Kanton around with the needler blowing up warthogs, ghosts, Mongooses, Tom Cruise, Scropion tanks, Wraith tanks, Banshees, Specters, Prowlers, Choppers, and Shadows. Ranger just stands there watching.

Ranger24: Well I guess I have to do the posser pistol. The M6G. The M6G was the new pistol in halo 3. It was originally hoped by fans that the M6D was being brought back but without the times two scope the M6G lacked in accuracy. Range with out accuracy means you might as well be using the brute Mauler.

Kanton: Oh shit! I've got one of them in my ass!

BADOOM!!!

Kanton: SON OF A BITCH!!

Ranger24: To maximize the effectiveness of the M6G it is suggested to combine it with the Plasma pistol and pull the noob combo. It really doesn't show much for a players skill it only shows that you know how to use a plasma pistol. Purists would obviously go with a more challenging weapon to kill with like the assault rifle which will be covered in the next Chapter. Medium level weapons.

Rolo'mono: SAVE ME KEANU REEVES!!!

BADOOM!!!

Fapad: FEAR THE PINK MIST BITCHES!!!

Seamus: Mary mother of God!!

BADOOM!!!

Ranger24: Until next time I'm Ranger24. Read and review.

Needler round strikes the ground next to his foot.

Ranger24: Aw crap.

BADOOM!!!


	16. Speacil Chapter

Speacil chapter

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Rolo'mono: Hi folks, sorry for the long delay in the updates.

Seamus: Yeah, but in the time since our last update... Things have happened.

Rolo'mono: Including the recent death of one of the cast members here. Sadly enough...

Seamus: It wasn't the grunt.

Fapad: Cookie?

Seamus: NO! GO AWAY!

Fapad bursts into tears and runs away.

Rolo'mono: Well right now we're just going to show what human everday items helped bring down the covenant armada.

Seamus: For example McDonalds.

Rolo'mono: The McNuggets make the jackals head's explode.

Seamus: Walmart.

Rolo'mono: We thought it was a human deity.

Seamus: Spongebob.

Rolo'mono: Thought he was the ruler of all humans.

Seamus: Chuck Norris.

Rolo'mono: Need I say anything. We feared the mighty Chuck Norris and the fist under his beard.

Seamus: Don't forget the epic chest hairs.

Rolo'mono shudders.

Rolo'mono: You just had to bring that up?

Seamus: Anime and Manga.

Rolo'mono: The grunts wasted all their down time and half their battlefeild time with this.

Seamus: Barrack Obama.

Rolo'mono: We tried killing him... But then we found out about Hilary and that whole plan went to shit. And his talk of change was so over powering...

Seamus: Easy bake ovens.

Rolo'mono: Not Brute friendly, they got their various body parts stuck in them.

Seamus: Nintendo Wii.

Rolo'mono: Jackals had a bad habit of strangleing peopleand eachother with the nunchuk.

Seamus: Nike shoes.

Rolo'mono: Drone's tried to hump these... They got stuck in the laces.

Seamus: The Mythbusters.

Rolo'mono: They made a lot of our planned weapon designs bust.

Seamus: R. Lee Ermey.

Rolo'mono: The water mellon slaughter was to much! OH KEANU REEVES! THOSE POOR MELONS!!!

Seamus slapps Rolo'mono.

Rolo'mono: Thanks... I needed that.

Seamus: And of course the number one ruiner of the covenant's day. World of Warcraft.

Rolo'mono: Ugh! Don't even talk about that!

Seamus: Since the prophets were stuck 24/7 playiing world of warcraft and other video games they had no time for running the war effort.

Rolo'mono: And after Regret and Mercy died Truth had no one to help him raid. Thus he was stuck at level sixty unable to obtian lvl 70. Then he found out about the 3rd Expansion pack.

**FLASHBACK!! **

_We see Truth activating the Ark by forcing Johnson to do it for him. _

_Truth: NOW! I'll become more powerfull than Chuck Norris! MWWHAHHAA!!!_

_Suddenly a random brute runs up._

_Brute 1: My lord! Urgent news! There is another!_

_Truth's eyes bug out._

_Truth: What??!??! Blizzard did make another expansion pack?!!??!_

_The Brute holds up a copy of Wrath of the Lich King. Truth falls to his stubby knees in joy!_

_Truth: MY LIFE HAS MEANING!!!_

_He grabbs the game and runs over to his chair and installs it even as the flood begin their attack along with the Arbiter and Master Chief. _

_Truth: THERE REALLY IS A GOD!!_

_Suddenly just as he's loging in a message appears on his log in screen. _

_'This account has been frozen due to unpaid subscription. Please renew subscription or purchase one of our prepaid cards.'_

_-Blizzard._

_Truth falls to his knees as his guards are rapidly over whelmed._

_Truth: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! This blows._

**END FLASHBACK!!!**

Seamus: Thank god no one we know plays...

Ranger24: For the Horde Motherfuckers!

Seamus and Rolo'mono whirl about to see Ranger... Playing world of warcraft. The two glanced at eachother and screamed like banshees until they passed out.

Ranger24: It's true. I play world of warcraft. Also Kanton's dead. Moment of Silence please.


	17. Medium weapons: Your workhorses

**Ranger24: Sorry about another long wait but I've been real busy.**

* * *

Medium weapons: Your work horses.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"Hello folks," Seamus said.

"It's us again," Rolo'mono continued.

"Hey when did we jump from script to regular format?" Seamus asked.

"Why you want it changed back?" Rolo'mono asked.

"No just sayin," Seamus grumbled.

"Well Ranger's under going therapy to prevent an addiction to World of Warcraft."

Quick flash over to Ranger who was strapped down to a table being administered shock therapy!

"I told you crazy assholes! I'm playing it till Christmas so I can get Assassin's Creed 2!" Ranger yelled before being shocked again.

"Anyways," Seamus muttered. "Today we're here about some of the decent guns you all love from Halo. In this case Assault rifles, the shot gun, the Battle rifle, and the ODST SMG."

"Hey wait we did the SMG already and it was classified as a light weapon," Rolo'mono pointed out.

"Yeah well the stapler took a level in badass for ODST," Seamus growled.

"Ah a fellow tropper I see," Rolo'mono observed.

"Just do your damn speal so I can watch Halo Legends on the internet," Seamus snapped.

"What got shoved up your metal ass?" Rolo'mono muttered. "Okay folks we're starting simple with one of the most Iconic Halo Weapons. The MA5 assault rifle series!"

"And here are the offical facts now," Seamus muttered pulling out a computer.

**The MA5 Assault rifle series is the primary combat weapon used by UNSC forces. Its most seen incarnation being the MA5B assault Rifle. This weapon had a 60 round magazine of 7.62 mm rounds and a handy built in compass. Other incarnations included the MA5K carbine used primarily by speacil forces particularly the SIII's.**

"Ah I remember the MA5B, I just loved caving in grunts heads with it." Seamus said happily.

Behind him Fapad dropped his tray of cookies and backed away slowly.

"Wonder why they didn't have it Halo 2?" Rolo'mono muttered.

"Maybe they thought the Battle rifle and SMG would compensate," Seamus replied with a shrug.

**Late in the war the MA5B was being phased out by the lighter but just as powerful MA5C assault rifle which has a 32 round magazine. Offical Bungie Sources say the Assault rifle was reincarnated as such to be a better starting multiplayer weapon than the SMG.**

"Hail to Bungie," Seamus said pulling out a beer and taking a swig.

"Yeah, wonder why it was in ODST though if the battle rifle wasn't and the battle rifle was in Halo 2 and the assault rifle wasn't?" Rolo'mono wondered.

"Ask Ranger when he's out of Rehab," Seamus replied.

Meanwhile at a rehab center Ranger is lying on a couch with a stereotypical doctor.

"Look Doc I don't have a Warcraft addiction! Sure I played the RTS and have grinded to level 76 but I still have a stable home life and romantic relationship!" Ranger snapped.

"Aggression first sign of gaming addiction," The doctor replied.

"What?! Gaming addiction is just a form of escapism to deal with other physco problems!" Ranger snarled.

"Hey who's the doctor here?" The doctor asked turning on the shock machine causing Ranger to writh in pain.

"Oh fuck you!" Ranger shreiked.

Back with the morons.

"Eh he's probably fine," Seamus muttered.

"Any ways moving on to the shot gun," Rolo'mono said.

**The M90 is the standard military shot gun of the UNSC Marine corps. It is also used by civilain police forces. The M90's round capacity has varied from game to game however its close range effficency makes it an up close power weapon.**

"And appreantly Brutes like them so much they made their own," Seamus added.

"Hence the Brutes utter crap copy the mauler," Rolo'mono finished.

"Next up!" Seamus called.

**The BR55 Battle rifle is one of the newer weapons in the UNSC arsenal. The first four protypes were combat tested on Harvest by Sargent Avery Jones Johnson and a collection of Colonial Milita fighters. The Battle rifle however apperantly still had some bugs in it that were worked out as the war went along but only went into mass production late in the war. The battle rifle has a thirty six round magazine, a handy times two scope, and fires an accuret three round burst. **

"Ah yes the gun that MLG player mastrubate over." Seamus said carelessly.

"Whoa! I don't think we can get away with such foul language!" Rolo'mono warned.

"We can if no one reports it," Seamus pointed out.

"True," Rolo'mono muttered.

**The battle rifle works best in combination with weapons meant for trashing sheilds. Knock an enemies sheilds out and the drill him in the face with a Battle Rifle. This is called the noob combo.**

"Oh gee no shit," Seamus growled.

"Last but not least the improved SMG from Halo 3 ODST." Rolo'mono said.

**The M7S is the advanced speacil operations modification of the M7 Caseless SMG. The weapon is significantly more effective with a higher round calibur, a silencer, and a laser scope. The weapon has a shallower magazine however but makes up for it by simply being actually usefull.**

"And sounding less like an automatic stapler and more like a real sub machine gun." Seamus muttered.

"So that's all the medium weapons." Rolo'mono finished.

"Next time we'll knock of the big encalades, the Power weapons!" Seamus said.

"So you can do the impossible!" Rolo'mono added.

"See the invisible," Seamus continued.

"Row Row! Fight the power!" Fapad proclaimed.

The other two were silent for a moment staring at the grunt.

"Me killed it?" Fapad said sadly.

"Yeah, you did." Seamus growled.


	18. Power Weapons: Your boomstick

**Ranger24: And the latest chapter.

* * *

**

Power Weapons: Your boomstick

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"Hey folks," Seamus said.

"Welcome back for another chapter of why humanity won the-" Rolo'mono started but was interupted by the ringing of the phone. "Hold on a second."

He picked up the phone. "You've reached Why Humanity won the war, Rolo'mono speaking."

Then he froze.

"He what?" Rolo'mono said alarmed.

"What?" Seamus demanded.

"Ranger just broke out of Arkham Asylum," Rolo'mono replied.

"Oh gee no shock there," Seamus muttered. "Why did we ever put him up in that place?"

"It was cheap," Rolo'mono replied. "Let's just blame the grunt and get on with this."

"Right then," Seamus said popping the top of a bottle of beer.

"Today we'll be covering the S2AM sniper rifle, the rocket launcher, and the Spartan Laser," Rolo'mono continued.

"Can we hurry this up? I'd hate to see Ranger when he gets back," Seamus replied.

"Oh fine," Rolo'mono growled. "Lets start with the S2AM Sniper rifle."

**The S2AM Sniper rifle is the primary long range combat sniper rifle of the UNSC. It is highly customizable with various scopes and barrels. The S2AM is can kill sheilded enemies with one head shot or two body shots. On higher difficulties however against brutes one must normally aim for the eye to due a lethal shot.**

"Didn't Ranger use to snipe?" Rolo'mono said.

"Aye he did, but thats only in FPS's," Seamus replied. "Otherwise he goes up with a hack 'em up format."

"Huh," Rolo'mono muttered.

**The S2AM's rounds are fin stabalized, high armor peircing, allowing it to over penetrate a target. This can be usefull against swarming masses of grunts and other enemies that tend to use human wave tactics.**

"Hey you know those grunts who sucide charge ya with grenades?" Seamus asked.

"What about them?" Rolo'mono replied.

"I hear they get forty two virgins when they blow up," Seamus answered.

"You just had to make a refrence to terrorists," Rolo'mono deadpanned.

"Yep," Seamus answered.

"Okay then onto the Rocket Launcher," Rolo'mono said.

**The Jackhammer rocket launcher is a powerful antivehicle weapon in the UNSC arsenal. Being one of the few weapons able to kill Hunters and packing enough punch to utterly destory most Covenant armor within two rockets makes it highly versitile. The problem of Covenant vehicles such as the ghost moving to fast to be killed by rockets in any way but a head on shot raises some challange with the Rocket Launcher.**

"Ah nothing says death like rocket launcher," Seamus said bemused.

Rolo'mono shuddered.

"What's wrong with you?" Seamus asked.

"Nothing it just brought up some bad memories," Rolo'mono muttered.

**Flashback!**

_We see numerous banshees heading down at a convoy of human vehicles. Rolo'mono just happens to be flying one. The lead pilot however is totally drunk._

_"Okay... hic! We got... hic! A couple of 'em human... hic! Vehicle things ahead of us... Hic!" The lead pilot said._

_"Sir I really don't think you should be flying drunk," Another pilot said._

_"I'll fly as drunk... Hic! As I want to!" The Lead pilot snapped._

_The banshee's swarmed in on the convoy the vehicles. The warthogs defending the convoy opened fire with their chain guns and gauss cannons downing several banshee's. The Banshee's opened fire with their fuel rod guns and plasma cannons destroying afew hogs and various other vehicles!_

_"Stay on... Hic! Target!" The Lead pilot ordered. _

_"We're to close!" The second pilot yelled._

_Suddenly a stream of missiles shot up and wiped out everyone except the drunk guy and Rolo'mono._

_"They should have stayed on target... Hic!"_

**End flashback.**

"Are of ya split lips alcholics?" Seamus asked.

"Oh thats the pot calling the kettle black," Rolo'mono growled.

**In Halo 2 the Rocket Launcher came equiped with a locking system that allowed its rockets to follow a target for a few seconds. Skilled pilots can evade this in a banshee. In Halo 3 it was removed to revert the rocket launcher to a dummy fire weapon while the target system went to the missile pods.**

"Next up the Spartan laser," Rolo'mono said.

"Ima firing mha lazor!" Fapad suddenly yelled before blasting Rolo'mono and Seamus from behind.

**The spartan laser is a powerful anti vehicle weapon. Its long range and devastating fire power makes it an anti vehicle sniper rifle. Its charge up time and limited power supply forces users to make every shot count. Rare and hard to find it is rarely found in the hands of common marines in a fire fight. It is most often found in the hands of ODST's or Spartans.**

"Can I get a repair over here?" Seamus asked struggling over to reach his wrecked left leg.

"Just end it here," Rolo'mono moaned.

"Pwn'd." Fapad said happily.

"Next time... Turrets." Seamus moaned.

* * *

**Ranger24: Read and review folks.**


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